[I thought a change of pace was warranted. We all need a good chuckle. But in actuality, death and final judgement are no laughing matters, as we will discuss next Monday.].
There was quite an assortment of souls lined up at the
pearly gates. St. Peter had to interview each of them before any decision as to
their eternal residence could be made. Frankly, I was quite surprised about how
rapidly he went about his business – a most difficult one no doubt.
“Next,” I heard an angel call.
It was already my turn!
“Let me see, whom do we have here?” St. Peter asked.
“Michael Seagriff,” the angel said.
“Welcome, Michael. Have a seat. I’ll be back to you shortly.”
I wondered what the delay was all about. No one who
had been ahead of me had been plucked off the line and told to take a seat. I
was soon to discover that no one behind had been pulled off either.
“Dear God,” I mused, “maybe it is true – there are no
attorneys in heaven!”
“Just relax Michael,” St Peter said, “there are a few
things we need to clarify.”
Noticing how I was squirming in the chair, my heavenly
Inquisitor asked, “Have you ever lied to a government official?”
“Not that I can recall,” I responded.
“Have you ever intentionally broken a law and
encouraged your children to do likewise?”
Oh, oh! Sometimes, it is better to remain silent. This
seemed like one of those times. Ignoring my own advice, the fool that I am, I unconvincingly
murmured a weak “Doesn’t ring a bell.”
The words no sooner left
my mouth than a movie screen unfurled in front of us. “Maybe, counselor, this
will refresh your memory. Let’s watch this video together.”
I immediately felt very uncomfortable. I had never
seen myself on the big screen. Something told me I was not going to enjoy this
experience.
“Pay close attention,” St. Peter directed.
The video began and this is what we saw:
I was sitting on the couch in my living room looking
out at the blinding snow. Suddenly, there was a knock on my front door. “Who
would be out in this weather and at this time of night?” I asked myself. My
dog, Lady, looked at me, ran and hid behind the couch.
“Who is it?” I asked.
“The dog control officer. Can I speak to you?”
I opened the door and let him in. “Do you own a dog
Mr. Seagriff?”
“Why, yes I do officer. Rescued the poor critter from
an animal shelter several years ago. A real loving meek animal. Been a blessing
to the family.”
“Do you take her for walks every day?”
“Either I or my children. Sure do!”
“Is she always on her leash?”
“Never leaves home without one.”
“Do you ever let the dog out on her own without a
leash?
“Wouldn’t think of doing that sir! I respect the law!”
“Well, Mr. Seagriff, I
have received more than 15 complaints over the past month from five different
people that there is a beige dog that roams the neighborhood in the evening
hours unaccompanied by any human. The most recent complaint was just 10 minutes
ago. Would that be your dog?”
“Couldn’t be her. They
must be mistaken. Lady has been at my side all night. There are other beige
dogs in the neighborhood, you know.”
“Any of those other dogs have a large hump on their
right hip?”
I swallowed real hard and decided to shut up.
“Have you taken her out for walk tonight? “
“Are you kidding? Neither man nor beast should be out
in this weather.”
“Can you explain then where all the dog paw prints in
the snow in the roadway, on your sidewalk, your front porch and across your
living room came from?”
Silence seemed again prudent.
Holding a treat in his
hand, the officer called in a soothing and inviting voice, “Come here, Lady!” The dog ran over, licked the kind gentleman’s
face and grabbed the treat out of his hand. She even allowed the nice man to
touch the hump on her hip and her wet paws.
The images on the screen disappeared.
With much shame and trepidation, I glanced into St.
Peter’s eyes. He stared back at me and
simply said, “Counselor, don’t you just love it when there’s a video?”