This reflection is longer than most that I have shared on my blog - just one of 175 stirring Eucharistic Reflections you will find in Godhead Here in Hiding Whom I Do Adore - Lay Dominicans Reflect on Eucharistic Adoration.
It is well-worth reading and savoring its every word and the images and experiences they will bring to mind.
There is a place in the human heart that can only be filled by You, Lord. Try as we might to fill that space with glittery goods or flatterers, it remains nothing but a vacant apartment, an echo chamber, without You. It is a place at the core of my being; I am empty, lonely, without You there.
At Adoration, everything
changes. If I let You in, You fill that insatiable yearning place. You melt my iciness; my heart begins to
glow. In a mystical moment, I am warmed
and satisfied in a way both quieting and yet passionate.
Adoration is my private door
that I can open to you. Immediately, You sweetly and lovingly permeate every
corner of my emptiness. By a treasured
grace, I learned of this door as a child.
In my long ago, my parents took my hand leading me regularly to
Adoration in a beautiful, hushed church in Manhattan. There You were, on the
altar, in the gilded monstrance, candles casting flickering shadows across Your
gaze. Even then, I was struck by Your beauty and the mystery to be explored at
each visit. I wanted to visit You often
so no one would put You back in the Tabernacle where You yearned for visitors.
You gave me two joyful parents whose love for You was clear. At Adoration, they never tried to keep me entertained, never stuffed crayons into my hands, never gave me childish books to distract me from you. Instead, they would whisper the amazing story of Your Love. Each visit with You became an adventure. “Talk to Jesus, dear,” they would say. “He loves you so much, and He wants to take you by the hand on a great happy journey filled with beautiful flowers and laughter. Jesus will teach you to make those flowers into a crown for our heavenly Mother. He will take you to His sweet Father, Our Father, who loves you more than you can imagine. Later, on the way home, tell us about all the places where Jesus takes you.” And I did.
Even then, Adoration was a safe
place to open the door of my heart to Jesus so neither of us would be lonely.
Jesus would fill my emptiness, stir my deepest longings, and instill a holy
curiosity. If I grew tired, my parents
were never angry; they would hold me and tell me: “That’s all right honey; just
sleep in the arms of Jesus.” Ever since,
what peaceful and stirring communion with You I experience at Adoration.
So, from an early age, I learned
of the adventure of seeking out Your presence.
I knew You were wildly happy to see me.
My heart is still filled with awesome anticipation as I enter a church
where You wait for me. You yearn for me,
me! In each visit, You take me to beautiful and mysterious places paradoxically
of both adventure and protection. There is an anticipatory joy knowing I am about
to be led further into your heart, Jesus, and deeper into the mystery of the
family communion which You share with Our Father and the Holy Spirit.
Trinitarian Love is never just transactional; it is participatory and mutual.
Oh Jesus, across the globe,
there are so many who yearn to keep You company in Adoration but there are no
churches. We have so many places to
adore You within a few miles of home or work; yet few come to keep You company,
to console You, to enter into that dialogue of the greatest love story ever
told.
If only others knew the places
we travel together in that sacred chamber of the heart. I never tire of this exploration, though on
some days, I fear I will never be worthy of this shared journey. Then You look at me with Your piercing eyes
of purest mercy, and in that gaze I know I can do all things in You. Sometimes You have me wait for answers,
seeking to tame my impatience. “Not yet,
not yet, my dear one. Give Me your
freedom. Wait until the time to know more has come. “Trust Me.” And how can I not trust You, Lord? I have been created out of dust; yet, despite
my insignificance, I have been created out of Love, for Love. Born with enslaving weights of original sin,
You free me. In Your Presence, I see the promise of becoming all I can be
through Your grace.
Dearest Friend and Holy Savior,
what would I do without these privileged personal encounters in Adoration,
these precious moments together? Never can I thank You for this priceless gift
of your nearness, your physical body and blood, your cherished interpersonal
communion in which You both enflame and soothe me. You are my God. You know me
perfectly, and still, You love me! Some
days, I try to hide from You; in my human hurts and faults, I don’t know where
to begin our conversation. Yet before Your loving gaze, no one hides for long.
You are the kindest of Teachers,
the gentlest of Healers, the most tender of Lovers. With my many sins and
omissions, You still welcome me so ardently. Boldly excited to see me, You
offer Your unconditional and exquisite love that revives my spirit. In your Presence, I revive, experiencing a
physical and spiritual renewal that eradicates the world’s suffocation.
Perhaps the best of times is
filled with silence; we simply contemplate each other. I know You will never
fail me, never abandon me. How stupendous this mystery of Your love for me! Yet
You do! Each time I call upon You,
Jesus, You tell me You have missed me, that You were lonesome for me. I want to come more often or linger more; I
never want You to be left alone in that darkness of the tabernacle that
motivates me to be with You more often.
Sometimes I watch the
expressions of intense love on the others at Adoration. Some come on their knees. Some weep.
Sometimes I weep. All of us drink
in Your blessed Presence. Jesus, my
favorite place to go to You is that particular church that has extremely poor
people, who love You so simply. You know which one. There, we are all rich
beyond measure.
I am graced beyond measure to be
able to start each morning with early Mass, followed by “our visit” in the
Adoration chapel. Some days I must leave swiftly, but mostly, I can linger and
stay with You for that dear early hour. Keenly aware I have just participated
at Calvary, I could never thank You adequately.
Every moment with You is a treasure.
As at Emmaus, in the breaking of the bread, I discover something about
myself and something about You.
When the world seems too hard to
bear, Your comfort at Adoration upholds me.
We are alone and yet in communion with Your Church. Whether I am with
You physically at Mass or spiritually in a lonely interior place, You always
set up an altar of love in my heart just for me.
All of Scripture points to Your
encompassing Eucharistic love. From
Genesis, where we find the mysterious priest, Melchizedek, offering Bread and
Wine, and continuing to the glory foretold in Revelation at the Mass of the
great wedding feast, You are there. You
never leave us orphans; You are with us always ready to listen and to love us
into new depths.
Stay With Me dear Jesus, for I
am Yours. Effect in me what from all
eternity You have wanted me to be. Take possession of me; remain in that
interior place in my heart, that place no one can ever fill but You. Do not be lonely. I am coming soon to visit you. Amen.
Mrs.
Mary Thomas Aquinas Jividen, O.P, Immaculate Conception Fraternity, Washington,
D.C.
Go Visit Him! Quench His Thirst and yours!
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