When the soul has given itself up to God, He makes it suffer, and will make it suffer constantly. This will be hard! In order to take complete possession of the soul, God annihilates it, as it were, and takes its place. And as it is continually assailed by the temptation to find itself again, God gives combat, makes it suffer; He effaces the spirit, stifles the heart.
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| Photo by Joshua Eckstein on Unsplash |
When the spirit will not surrender unconditionally, God plunges it into darkness, into temptations against faith, and hope and confidence. All peace is lost until the mind surrenders and totally renounces its own lights. Against such a state, the director can do nothing.
He reasons; he discourses on the goodness of God, which the soul alas, can no longer see. It is terrified by the past and trembles for the present. What is to be done? Accept everything. God wills this state for you and does not tell you why. He is waiting for you to say to Him: 'I am nothing but sin; I give myself up to Thee; do with me as Thou wilt. Thou desirest me to suffer inner turmoil and torture? Very well; that is my desire, too. Unable to see any good actions to offer Thee, I shall bring to Thee the misery Thous showest me. Though I shall not love my misery, nevertheless, I shall glorify Thee by it.'
And the good God is still with you at that very moment. He wishes you to be like this; what does anything else matter? Above all, do not examine your state too closely, thinking God is abandoning you, wondering what will become of you; you might lose your mind. God wants you to know whether you love Him more than your own will, spiritualized though it be. So be at peace. Even tormented as you are, you glorify Him. And do you desire any other thing than His glory?
(St. Julian Peter Eymard from Holy Communion)
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