Eucharistic Reflection - Shall I Go Forward, Or Shall I Go Back?

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O what an awesome thought! You deal otherwise with others, but, as to me, the flesh and blood of God is my sole life. I shall perish without it; yet shall I not perish with it and by it? How can I raise myself to such an act as to feed upon God? 0 my God, I am in a quandary—shall I go forward, or shall I go back?

I will go forward: I will go to meet You. I will open my mouth, and receive Your gift. I do so with great awe and fear, but what else can I do? To whom should I go but to You? Who can save me but You? Who can cleanse me but You? Who can make me overcome myself but You? Who can raise my body from the grave but You? Therefore I come to You in all these my necessities: in fear, but in faith.

My God, You are my life; if I leave You, I cannot but thirst. Lost spirits thirst in hell, because they have not God. They thirst, though they would have it otherwise, from the necessity of their original nature. But I, my God, wish to thirst for You with a better thirst. I wish to be clad in that new nature, which so longs for You from loving You, as to overcome in me the fear of coming to You. I come to You, 0 Lord, not only because I am unhappy without You, not only because I feel I need You, but because Your grace draws me on to seek You for Your own sake, because You are so glorious and beautiful.

I come in great fear, but in greater love. 0 may I never lose, as years pass away, and the heart shuts up, and all things are a burden, let me never lose this youthful, eager, elastic love of You. Make Your grace supply the failure of nature. Do the more for me, the less I can do for myself. The more I refuse to open my heart to You, so much the fuller and stronger be Your supernatural visitations, and the more urgent and efficacious Your presence in me.”

(From For You My Soul Has Thirsted by Blessed John Henry Cardinal Newman)